Comparing Ourselves to Others
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
-Rumi
If you want to feel miserable, then I would recommend that you “compare” yourself to someone else.
But, why would I want to do that?
You probably already do it, and don't even think about it!
One of the big ways we tend to harm ourselves is by drawing comparisons to other people. We may think they arise out of an innocent observation, and could even be motivational. Comparisons become a serious concern when they are habitual, obsessive, or frequent. Comparing ourselves to others is a great way to make ourselves miserable and enjoy less of our life. You may feel depressed and demotivated without quite knowing why.
Comparing ourselves to others is a great way to make ourselves miserable and enjoy less of our life.
Comparing ourselves to others not only disconnects us from ourselves but also makes it more challenging to connect in an authentic way with others.
Is there ever a time that comparing is helpful?
Comparing ourselves to our past selves or potential future selves could be very motivating or a good way to assess our progress. For instance, I like to sometimes compare where I am today with my fitness to where I used to be. I feel a sense of accomplishment and appreciation when I think about this.
I like to sometimes compare where I am today with my fitness to where I used to be. I feel a sense of accomplishment and appreciation when I think about this.
How to work past comparisons...
Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, notice the thought. Instead of judging the comparison thought, just ask yourself, what am I feeling right now as this thought enters my mind? What need is present in this thought? What can I ask of myself to meet this need?
Download a list of feelings and needs here.
Example:
Thought: "That woman is so much prettier than me."
Noticing my feeling: "Right now, I'm feeling insecure and envious."
Looking for the need: "I am needing acceptance and appreciation for my own beauty ."
Self-request: "Am I willing to accept and appreciate my own beauty?"
