Ask Better Questions on Your Next Date
Have you ever been on a date and felt you were being grilled at an interview? Did you feel uncomfortable or maybe even under attack? If so, it was likely because the person sitting across from you was asking too many closed-ended questions.
What is a closed-ended question?
Questions that can be answered in just a few words. Closed-ended questions usually begin with is, are, or do.
Closed-ended example: “What is your job?”
Open-ended alternative: “Could you tell me about your work?”
Closed-ended question: “Did you anything fun this weekend?”
Open-ended alternative: “What was the highlight of your weekend?”
The better way to ask questions….Open-ended!
Open-ended questions take more words to answer and elicit more meaningful answers. Using this type of question-asking may allow your date to speak more freely and openly. Open-ended questions typically begin with how, what, why, could, or would.
Examples:
What do you do when you aren’t working?
What is your favorite food?
What did you think of the movie we just saw?
What is new and exciting in your life right now?
Reflective Listening
Try to be mindful not to ask more than 2-3 questions in a row. Instead, when your date responds to a question, use reflective listening to demonstrate that you heard and understood what they said. Notice in the example below that no questions were asked after the initial question. This helps alleviate the feeling of being interviewed on a date.
Example:
“So, what do you do when you aren’t working?”
“Well, I work quite a bit, like 60 hours a week, but I still make time for playing golf at least twice a week.”
“60 hours a week, and you still make time for golf. You must really enjoy the game.”
“Yeah, I’ve been playing since I was 10. My dad and I used to golf a lot when I was growing up.”
“So golf really allowed you to spend some quality father/son time when you were young.”
“Yeah, I am really close with my dad. I don’t get to see him as much now that I live in another state.”
“You sound like you really miss him.”
And so on….
Please share some examples of open-ended questions you have used on dates in the comments below.
Cheers!
Erika Baum
Relationship Coach